Posts Tagged ‘death’

[The letter appears in a story I have been writing from years]


As I write this letter, I had already spent a long night mourning over your sudden departure from my life. Despite of what happened in recent days, I still long to see you somewhere in my sorry existence. I am being a careless optimist who believes everything will turn out to be all right because you will want me back.

But the more I try to believe this far-stretched fantasy, the better I understand its impracticality. A stable fragment of my mind and soul tells me that you will never knock the doors of my life. This is the reality I will have to wake up to – sooner or later. I still cannot stop looking over my shoulders; and I cannot look ahead to a life that doesn’t have you – a person I truly love.

I still am not able to grasp what made you drift away. We had fallouts on occasions but we always found our ways back to each other. We were a wispy couple I agree, but we were also there for each other in both good and bad times.

I still remember the day we started as friends. How I was this overly-sarcastic jerk, and you were an equally delicate snob. We were strange, but we were meant to be with each other. I had this realization from the very start and that was the only reason I first resisted from starting a long distance relationship. But you were persuaded by your utmost romanticism that this relationship will work. It is you who I believed after our minor fallouts. I believed you were right all this time, and vowed never to let you go again. I wanted to love you with all my dedication, and you loved me equally.

I left a stable job to find an unstable one that offered more money, only because I wanted to meet you. And as I did, believe me, it was the most wonderful days of my life. Every love song used to make sense; every tragedy used to make me cry; the stars and moons were looking beautiful; and even eggplants started to taste good.

I turned into this great person with you, who was always happy and joyful. It was only because of you I came out of a life which I used to despise. I was being loved by a wonderful and great human being, what else could I want from this life. I thanked God every night and prayed for your well being.

Remember those late afternoon meals, those countryside trips, those cheese toasts, butter chicken dinners, those kisses, that Karma restaurant incident, the comfort we felt in each others’ arms, the ma ka shit joke.

But it has all changed right? You gradually reduced speaking to me while I was back home. You gave me some really indigestible reasons for acting strange, but you never told me why you were falling out of love with me. After all these years, I at least deserved a courtesy of being told truth. But you never have any words to explain why you left me all of a sudden. In fact, you never even cared to pick my calls all this time. It’s like you were forcing me into breaking up with you to avoid carrying the blame of destroying this relationship.

How am I suppose to move on while carrying some half-baked theories? How will I know what exactly destroyed our love? How could you leave me all alone to deal with this depression? How could you be so cold and heartless to a person who hugged you to sleep, wiped your tears and changed his life upside down every time just to meet you? Why am I asking so many questions?

Perhaps, I am just being very mean while loading all the blames on your shoulders. Perhaps, there were circumstances you couldn’t ignore, which ultimately parted our ways. But I wish you could have told me these circumstances. I wish you could tell me the truth, even if it has to do with meeting another man. What could I do but to understand you, and still love you whole-heartedly? Like I don’t understand you now, but still love you more than my life.

Perhaps like you, I am also a victim of my own circumstances. And it seems we both won’t be able to come out of it. I just have one request though – whatever happens, just don’t forget the times we had together as a crazy couple. I will not be able to forget any one of them. These memories will always stay around me for the rest of my life.

Thanks for making me a part of your life. I lived with you, and I hope to die while thinking of the beautiful moments we had.


No One


About two lovers who had to part their ways after walking few beautiful miles. 

Kitne dino tak saath chale,
haatho me lekar haath chale,
shaam sehar din raat chale,
par lagta bin baat chale..

Jab jana iss dagar mujhe,
jab jana uss dagar tujhe,
raahe takraayengi fir nahi,
to fir kyu sang chale,
to fir kyu sang chale…

Ha main dekhunga mud mud ke,
kya tum mudogi kabhi,
Pal pal ladunga khud se he main,
kya tum ladogi kabhi,
yaado ko teri pehnoonga main,
aakho se lekar dil me kahi,
tujhse he baate karta rahoonga,
to kya hua tu nahi kahi…

kya tum bhi karogi yahi, nahi…

to fir kyu sang chale,
ha fir kyu sang chale,
raahe takraayengi fir nahi,
to fir kyu sang chale.


Posted: September 21, 2012 in Poems about Love
Tags: , , , ,

Looks like nothing is attached,

and every pair of string is uneven,

how i will gonna walk to you,

when our earths are detached..

I see how this sky lies to me everytime,

makes me believe that it will be fine,

i sulk into the increasing silence of yours,

the distance murders and voices die..

There is life between me and you,

and i m crossing the borders of life,

you dont have to come to me anymore,

i’ll be with you more than alive..

I felt the feelings of not feeling anything,

to feel you eternally i died to feel,

that i have got you for forever,

for me now we are together..

You walk with me though without me,

you cry with me though without me,

you laugh with me though without me,

you’re in love with me though without me.,

the touch has faded and the feeling only grows,

in sync we desire the existence of each other,

we are forever though no more…